February 20th, 2006


In Between

Here I am among six billions filled with an abiding loneliness as I pass through this moment in transition from where I was to where I will be. I am in between. In between is one of the three places I have lived my life. The other two are almost there and here, now. When I am here, now, the time and events are not catalogued or examined until those moments have become a part of yesterday. Almost there is the place from which I can see the edge of something new that may enter my life if I but find a way to open myself to possibility or glean a lesson that is just before me or even already upon me or somewhere just behind me, unrealized. That other abiding place, that in between, is neither here nor there, it is a place of transition, not lived in but passed through.


How do you get past a history marked by capricious action and unwarranted chastisement? What bridge takes you across the chasm built of punishment given indiscriminately, without a rhyme or a reason that is evident to any but the punisher? This, having been the lesson of youth, sits close down in the marrow of the bone, in a place so near the soul that it is only with great difficulty that you, so marked, can, when you struggle, see that the results of the lesson is not you.


Determine what it is you want. Make that thing happen. Barring that, guess at what you want. Give that a try instead.